September 12th, 2004


Last night

...I went with my Mom to my cousin's husband's memorial service. It was such a shock for us to find out that he'd passed away because he was so young. :( What made it even sadder was that he left behind a darling five year old daughter. I got to meet her for the first time last night and she was SO cute and so outgoing. She hugged me several times and seemed completely unaffected by her father's passing. Being 5 years old, I'm not too sure that she fully understands the concept of death other than her Daddy is now "in heaven." It was really very heart-breaking. :(

My cousin seems to be handling all of this really well. She put on a good face last night and was her old lovable self. Though I know a thing or two about putting on the "good face" for others - as I've been doing it for the last 13 years. :( Listening to everyone at the service talk about my cousin's husband, I wish I'd gotten the chance to know him more... he sounded like a wonderful husband and father. :(

The service was beautiful and really got me thinking about my own faith and what I believe about God and the afterlife. Apparently, my cousin is taking this so well because she is comforted in her faith and in knowing that she'll see her husband again one day. Sadly, and quite honestly, I don't know if my faith is that strong. If anything ever happened to Mark, I don't know what I'd do. :(

I also got to see a lot of my aunts and uncles that I haven't seen since my wedding. They're all in their 80's and 90's now (my Dad was the youngest sibling in his family by far. Most of my cousins' children are older than I am...) and they've suddenly started to look really frail. :( One of my aunts who used to be the most gracious woman I knew, isn't doing so well. She's very forgetful and last night asked me if I was old enough to drive. "How old are you now? 17?" She kept asking me. She also kept saying what a shame it was that my Dad passed away because "he was just nuts about you!" It was really sad to see how much her personality has changed. :(

Wow - how's that for a depressing post on a Sunday evening? :P Sorry - to those who have recently added me, I'm not usually this depressing. :P I'm off to make some No-Pudge brownies and hopefully be back with a more uplifting post a little later. Hope you're all doing well...
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