The issue of children...

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05 July 2006 @ 10:28 pm

The issue of children...

Just got home from another fabulous dinner with Susan and we talked about everything from shopping to dieting (or our inability to diet - which is more like it) and the issue of having vs. not having children. These conversations with Susan always make me think... For those who don't know, for me - growing up and all throughout my early twenties the most important thing in my future was starting a family. And for those who haven't been with my LJ since the beginning, at first Mark was VERY opposed to the idea of children - he didn't even want to discuss it most of the time which made me really sad and frustrated. :(

Slowly, as the years went on I immersed myself in various things that kept me busy. I began traveling and seeing shows and creating websites... all things that kept me happy and fulfilled in my non-working hours. Shockingly enough, one day I woke up and it occurred to me that I think I might actually be okay with the idea of NOT having children... VERY shocking for me since it's all I ever thought about for my future and really scary in a way. I know deep down inside that things that I've gotten into recently - like my web design business - would have to be put on the side if we ever decided to start a family. And I'll be quite honest when I say that I'm not sure I'm willing to give that up...

Susan and I talked about all that today and how, almost 10 years ago when we first met how we never thought our lives would've turned out the way they did. Not that I'm complaining at all, because I've been blessed in more ways that I could ever imagine... but it is a lot different than I had expected.

And who knows? People are having children later and later in life these days... My story isn't completely over yet, there's still a chance that one day Mark & I will change our tune... but for now I think I'm content the way things are and for now, my fuzzy baby is enough for me.

Current Mood: pensive

pensive

19 comments | Leave a comment

19 comments —

( 19 comments — Leave a comment )

kaylea on July 6th, 2006 09:42 am (UTC)

Wow... yikes, how timed that was. You posting this and me posting mine to you. That's like you were reading my mind, even though you weren't lol. :D

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shutterbug93 on July 8th, 2006 07:59 am (UTC)

Whoa... I didn't even read your post until just now... Very interesting timing indeed.

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cahwyguy on July 6th, 2006 12:03 pm (UTC)

My wife and I got married in 1985. It wasn't until 1994 that we decided we were ready for kids. You just never know what will happen.

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shutterbug93 on July 8th, 2006 08:00 am (UTC)

Very true, I never know what'll be in our future. :)

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clivec on July 6th, 2006 02:54 pm (UTC)

Not having a child is sad.

Having a child when one of the parents doesn't want the boy or girl is worse.

As you say, things may still change later in life.

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shutterbug93 on July 8th, 2006 08:02 am (UTC)

I used to think it was REALLY sad, but recently I've been thinking that I might actually be okay with the idea of not having children... Like I've said, I'm not sure what will happen in our future, but at the moment, I'm content.

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kathyselden on July 6th, 2006 05:39 pm (UTC)

Not having children is not the end of the world, I don't think. I want children, but at the same time if you feel like you're living a full life without one -- it can't be too bad. I always feel that even if I never get married (which is likely to happen), I'll adopt a child or something, more than likely from a third world country. If you do ever change your mind, though, let me know so I can send a gift, ahahaha!

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shutterbug93 on July 8th, 2006 08:04 am (UTC)

Thanks so much for your comment, Ashley! I don't know what the future will hold for us, but at the moment I'm pretty content with my fuzzy baby. :) And if we do change our minds, you'll be among the first to know! ;)

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kathyselden on July 8th, 2006 05:41 pm (UTC)

And your fuzzy baby is a BEAUTIFUL one.

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careleswhisper on July 6th, 2006 06:13 pm (UTC)

I think it's interesting to think about what people want out of life at a younger age. I always thought I'd be having my first child when I turned twenty-five. Unless I get married in the next three weeks, I know that won't happen now lol (It's about nine months to my 26th birthday). :P Although it does make me a little sad about it, everything will happen when it's supposed to.

I think it's great that you have such a full life already though! :D Think about the people who don't have half of the exciting things going in their lives like you do. :) BIG*hugs*

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shutterbug93 on July 8th, 2006 08:09 am (UTC)

Thanks for your comment, Carrie! I know that everything will happen for you when the time is right - and when you and Roger do start a family it'll be the most beautiful moment for you both. :)

And I just feel SO blessed in my life - with Mark & Sydney and my family, my wonderful job, business, friends, etc... I really couldn't ask for more! I would never want anyone to think I was ungrateful - because I really feel as though (even without a child) I've been blessed beyond belief!

Thanks again for your comments. :) *HUGS*

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sabine10 on July 6th, 2006 10:31 pm (UTC)

It can be interesting to look back on your life and to see how different things turned out, right? To me, the decision of having vs. not having children is not easy and it's good if one is honest and able to see that the right time is not yet there at the moment. Of course, it's possible that this will change and then you can be sure that you both will love the child. I'm very glad that you have a fulfilled live and that you are for now content with the way things are.

Much love and big hugs to you, Sheri! And please give Sydney also a hug from me. :)

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shutterbug93 on July 8th, 2006 08:13 am (UTC)

Thanks so much for your comment, Sabine! I think I've been struggling with this for a while (I know you remember some of my earlier entries). I really don't know what the future holds for us, but I do know that at this moment, even without a child, I feel so blessed - with a wonderful family (and great friends like you!) a job I love (well, most of the time) ;) and finally being able to do what I love (web stuff.) Maybe one day it'll change, but right now it's enough for me...

Big *HUGS* to you!!

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audienceawaits on July 7th, 2006 01:07 am (UTC)

I am almost happy to hear you say that you wouldn't want to give up your website stuff for children. I mean, it just seems like people think you're CRAZY if you don't want kids. But seriously, it is not for everyone and it does not fit into everyone's idea of a happy life. At the moment (and I really don't think it will change), I definitely do not want children. I would love dogs and I would love to get married, but I honestly don't think children equals happiness for everyone. :)

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shutterbug93 on July 8th, 2006 08:15 am (UTC)

Oh my gosh, Gill - THANK YOU so much for your comment!! I was beginning to think that no one understood how I felt! And it's SO true, not everyone's idea of a happy life has to include having children! Thank you so much for you thoughts and your supportive comments!! Big *HUGS* to you!!

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wakedistracted on July 7th, 2006 01:11 am (UTC)

Speaking as a person who has actually never wanted children, I've always thought your life sounded so fantastic! You seem to be such a perfect example of how one can have such a wonderfully fulfilling life, full of so much love and so many interesting people and adventures and activities, without having children. That is what I imagine for myself when I think of the future, but many people who claim I will "change my mind" about kids have often seemed to try to make that seem impossible, which I think is completely false!

Regardless of whether or not you end up having children someday, you have such a completely wonderful family already, Sheri. ♥

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shutterbug93 on July 8th, 2006 08:21 am (UTC)

Thanks so much for your supportive comments, Karen!! I was beginning to think that something was wrong with me because I was re-thinking the "children issue." I've just been feeling so thankful and blessed in my life with a wonderful family, terrific friends (like all of you!) a job that I love, and the ability to get to do what I really have a passion for (the web stuff) that I'm content at the moment without children. Thanks so much again for your supportive comments!! Big *HUGS* to you!!

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bigrivermusical on July 7th, 2006 05:41 am (UTC)

I didn't know that you wanted to start a family in your twenties! What Mark thinks about it now? We wanted a baby and almost gave up having a child and out of blue it happened. I had to put aside the theatre life for four years after my son was born but look at me now. Theatre and family can co-exist (LOL).

I learn so many things through my son and it's my dream to go to Broadway with him in a few years. I think it's another way for a self-growth and it's a good thing if you are ready for it. But I tell you that once the baby is born, the world no longer evolves around you, and if you want to have a child/children, you don't want to wait too long. Even the medicine has progressed a lot, caring for a child when you are not younger anymore is exhausting too (LOL).

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shutterbug93 on July 8th, 2006 08:26 am (UTC)

Well, in my early twenties (before I even met Mark!) I had an idea in my head of what would make me happy in life... and it included getting married & starting a family. Slowly as the years went on, that definition of happiness changed for me a little and I realized that things that I already have (a wonderful family, terrific friends, a great job, and the chance to do what I love doing - the web stuff) was VERY fulfilling. I'm starting to realize that I don't have to conform to everyone else's idea of a happy life. I love the life that I have... maybe one day it'll change to include children when we're both ready, but if it doesn't... I'm okay with that too.

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