determinedOn Friday, out of the blue (and seemingly as a blessing just when I needed him...) my old boss (who I worked with for over 8 years and was more of a friend than a boss to me - who left our company for our competitor) called and asked me to go to lunch with him. He told me that his wife was having problems with one of her bosses and the more she spoke about her problems there, the more he realized how awful he had treated the situation with "the other one" way back when we were all working together. He said he finally realized all the stress that he was putting me through and he wanted to take me to lunch to apologize. As sweet and as thoughtful as that was, I told him that it was in the past and he had NO reason to be sorry - and an "I'm sorry lunch" was out of the question - I would, however, be open to a "Hi - long time no see" lunch, though. ;)
He and I talked about everything... including my decision that I have to make at work and he gave me a lot of really good advice because he knows all the key people involved (my BIG boss, etc...) I'm really glad I got to speak with him about this, because I really value his opinion and I needed to hear from someone who knows the people involved, but isn't too close to the situation. I also realized how much I missed working for him - and in a way, I'm thankful that things worked out the way they did because if he'd stayed, I know I'd still be working for him and wouldn't have explored the opportunities that I have.
I also had a talk with my BIG boss because I needed clarification on certain things before I made my decision. To my surprise, he was very emotional about the issue and VERY sincere. He was also VERY honest and told me that he recognized my strengths and my weaknesses and knew that there were areas that I needed to work on (which I FULLY agree with) and he believed enough in me to support me and work with me through those areas.
And at the end of the day, I spoke with my other boss (who I'm the closest to in the office.) She and I ending up spending close to two hours discussing things and I think I've FINALLY come to conclusion on what I plan to do. She made me realize that - similar to when I took on the challenge of being chapter president for my Jaycee chapter 6 years ago - the reason I should take a chance is because I think I can make a difference. In speaking with her, I realized that it isn't about the money for me (at ALL) and not even about the title or the high profile-ness of the job... it's about having the conviction to try to do the right thing (for the reps, for the clients, and for the program) and finally being in a position to be able to do something about it.
So... I'm going to take a HUGE chance and tell my BIG boss that I'm interested (some things, I'm sure, still need to be discussed, so it isn't a guarantee yet)... And I know it won't be easy (I was never one to take the easy route anyway) and I know that I have A LOT of work to do on myself and there are A LOT of improvements that I need to make, but I'm up for the challenge. I'm the type of person who will put my heart and soul into something if I truly believe in it - and really, isn't the only thing that I can do to say that I gave it my 110%?
Wanted to thank you all again for all of your support and your encouragement! It really meant a lot to me!! Big *HUGS* to all of you!! :)